Quotes Page (Greatest line in the history of movies = "Say hello to my little friend!!!")

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Quotes Page (Greatest line in the history of movies = "Say hello to my little friend!!!")

Movie Quotes on Top, All Other's Below

"Good Morning Vietnam"

-The Mississippi broke through a protective dike today...what is..what is a protective dike? Is it a large woman standing by the river going (in burly voice) "Don't go near there!" I know we can't say the word dyke, we can't even say lesbian...it's Women in comfortable shoes, thank you very much!

-Excuse me sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT, because if it leaks to the VC, you could end up an MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP.

-You're in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history!

-The weather out there is hot and shitty, with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy weather. A pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.

Assorted Jim Carrey:

LIAR-LIAR

-Office Worker: Yo, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher: [groaning] Short, shriveled, and always to the left.

-Max: My teacher tells me the real beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.

- It's a good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors, might had to pull out my nine and bust a cap!

- How much ass do I have to kiss to make partner in this damn place?

-Well thats cause you've got big jugs. I...I mean your boobs are huge. I mean, I want to squeeze them. I...ma ma...... [puckers up]

-The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant

ACE VENTURA 1 & 2

-Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!

-Ace: I am now a child of light, your earthly money holds no appeal to me... Greenwall: 20 thousand dollars.
Ace: Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeaaly?!?!

-The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.

-Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.

-Fi, fy, fo, fum, I smell the fingerprints of scum.

-Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then.

-If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.

-[as Scotty from Star Trek]
I just can't do it captain, I don't have the power.

-[As Bones McCoy]
For God's sakes, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!

-[as Captain Kirk, with 'over-emphasis]
Captain's log, stardate 23.9 rounded off to the nearest decimal point. We've traveled back in time to save an ancient species from total annihilation. SO FAR, no signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've GOT TO, MISTER!

-Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's Dick and become insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 40 pounds... Porkin his wife!

DUMB AND DUMBER

-Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.

-Hey, look, the Monkees. They were a huge influence on the Beatles.

-That's it, I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pet's heads are falling off!!

-When I met Mary, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.

"Reservoir Dogs"

-Mr. Pink: Somebody's shoved a red-hot poker up our ass, and I want to know whose name is on the handle!

-Mr. Blonde: If you're talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch!

-Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?

-Mr. White: You shoot me in a dream, you'd better wake up and apologize.

-Mr. Blonde: All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you aren't going to get.

-Mr. White: The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman.

-Mr Brown: Mr. Brown? That sounds too much like Mr. Shit.

-Joe Cabot: And you are Mr. Pink.

Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?

Joe Cabot: Cause you're a faggot, ok?

Stewie

Family Guy Quotes:

(All are Stewie)

"You know, mother, this could almost have passed for a palatable banana pudding, but without Nilla wafers it's just another one of your wretched culinary abortions. Now clean it up!"

"Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that."

"My, my, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. I say, won't find that in 'Winnie the Pooh!"

"Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!"

"What's this? Blueberrie Pancakes! Oh, oh my G... oh, that's better than sex!"

"I say, if you find a human skeleton with a Lincoln Log jammed in the temple, I didn't do it. But I need that log back to finish my recreation of James Madison's cabin."

"I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once! I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. But no pickles! Oh, God help you if I find pickles!"

"Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster."

Stand-Up Comics:

-Louis CK: "I once was arrested under charges of drug posession and I had to be strip searched by a cop.... you can't be in a worse situation than when you're naked and the other guy has a gun. Then he said 'Could you lift your testicles please sir' and I was just like 'Well, can I use my hands... or should i just go OOOOOMMMM!!!!!! RISE TESTICLES, I COMMAND YOU!!!!'"

-Eddie Izzard: "The National Rifle Association says that guns don't kill people, people do but I think the gun helps, I think it helps, I think just standing there going 'BANG', thats not gonna kill too many people.

-In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.

Unknown Author:

-Life is a giant radioactive sweaty rabid gorilla, with a 37 inch studded electrified cock which oozes searing acid. The sooner you get used to the fact that life is going to bend you over a pickle barrel and ass fuck you until your eyes rocket out of your ears, the sooner you can move on. It's like a game, but you don't win, you just get a lot of ass fucking, and well, fuck.

-Taking away guns and trying to convince your children that guns don't exist won't stop the violence in the United States. If someone can't shoot you with a gun they will shoot you with a knife, if you take away the knife they will shoot you with a truncheon, and so on until people are being shot in the streets with pillows and kittens.

-He challenged me to a match of wits, but since I'm not very witty, it just turned into a match of how many times I had to club him with a crowbar until he collapsed